The 12 Steps AA program is based on principles that not only help addicts recover but also help them grow as individuals. Each step requires them https://ecosoberhouse.com/ to adopt new virtues that will serve them well past the program. Individuals learn the values of honesty, responsibility and discipline.
Don’t Hold Back—It’s Too Easy to Get Out of This Step
You may not be able to rectify “everything” you’ve done to the other person, but you can repair specific wrongs. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. Early recovery can be incredibly lonely what is a living amends and frustrating, and we may feel angry or rejected when a person doesn’t seem to recognize the growth we’re committed to making. We may want our children and families to love, accept and forgive us, but we shouldn’t confuse our wants with our needs. The process of making amends is not about us fixing everything—that comes in time and from going to meetings, attending to our recovery and cultivating a relationship to a Higher Power.
- Wilson met Akron surgeon Robert Smith at an Oxford Group meeting.
- Dependency is not just physical; it is also a personal defect.
- We’ve had a spiritual awakening, and we suddenly want to fit as much as possible into each day—and we want to quickly repair all the harm we caused during active addiction.
- Unlike direct and indirect amends, living amends are not aimed at repairing ties with anyone specifically.
- If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable.
Step 8: Love
When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. It’s not our job to quicken their process of accepting us any more than it was their job to help us get sober. Forgiveness may not come on our timetable, but what gives us the right to set the timetable? Maybe they got sick of watching the addiction destroy us and our family.
Key Components of an Effective AA Amends Script
Although a sincere, meaningful apology is a part of making amends, saying “I’m sorry” isn’t powerful enough to repair the damage done. Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it. At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs.
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A luxurious, secluded center treating mental health and substance and behavioral dependency issues with individualised treatment plans and world-class experts. When we make 12-Step amends, we must keep in mind not only what is correct, helpful, and kind but also what is practical and reasonable. Financial 12-Step amends, for instance, aren’t always appropriate to offer, especially if you do not yet have money to pay the individual back. Next, develop a specific plan for raising the necessary funds.
Family and Children’s Programs
Family matters may be best addressed in a proper therapeutic setting when possible. When making 12-Step amends, we must do our best to set aside any exceptions from the other person. Remember, we are present to clean “our side of the street” or address our wrongs and roles to the best of our ability. The other person has every right to feel the way they do about a previous conflict.
- Instead, making amends means you apologize for what you’ve done and make it right.
- To understand why it’s so effective, let’s take a closer look at what principles lie at its core.
- Thankfully we are given some insight in to how to make amends through steps 8 and 9.
- If you or someone you love is struggling with a substance disorder, BRC Recovery can help.
Steps 8 & 9 in Practice: Making 12-Step Amends in Real Life
- However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate.
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- We understand that fact and don’t choose to run from it, and we understand that words cannot make those painful memories disappear.
- The main text of Alcoholics Anonymous, or “The Big Book” as AA members call it, goes step by step through 12 distinct phases, each crucial in achieving sustainable recovery from addiction.
- The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies.
- For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.